I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
