Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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