It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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