Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
