Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
