I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
