I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
