when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
