Don't make out with my wife yet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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