Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
