I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
