Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just had sex bonerless
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
