were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
