Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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