i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
