I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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