I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I AM VODKA MAN
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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