No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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