The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
