I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
