I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
