just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
