return my video game
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
