real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
