I'm lost and stupid without you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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