you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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