How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
