You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
