i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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