oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
