I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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