Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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