I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
