I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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