I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
