I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
