I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
