Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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