ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
