what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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