can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
