Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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