No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
