i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
