maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
