He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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