I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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