Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
