haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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