a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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