North Korea, Best Korea!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
