I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
